
Boyscouts
Saturday I had an all day IFCC Board retreat to be followed by seeing CoHo Theatre’s Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune followed by seeing a friend’s band. I rushed home to grab 30 minutes sleep between the meeting and the evening’s events. Randy-the-neighbor-boy was zipping up and down the street on a mini motorcycle my Barbies would have killed for. Chasing him was the new kid from down the street. I will call him Freckle-face-pyro-boy.
15 minutes into my sleep I am dimly aware of the boys voices coming from between our houses- right beneath my window. Randy-the-neighbor-boy is a good an 11 year old as you could ever want to know. I am determined to get my full 30 minutes sleep.
20 minutes into my sleep tiny boy voices rise in pitch and begin to sound like panicked, conspiratorial parrots. I am determined to get my full 30 minutes sleep.
5 minutes shy of my goal the stomping ensues. I throw open my window and through a choking billow of smoke that promptly gets sucked into my house I see two boys attacking a growing fire like crazed Irish step dancers. “Randy! What! Are! You! Doing!” As if it is not clear that they are creating a fire pit in the 8 foot area between our houses.
Freckle-face-pyro-boy takes off running. Randy goes into “hide evidence mode” and begins to place himself on the fire as if to hide it. More yelling. This time from both of us. Fortunately the kid didn’t catch fire as that would have called for me to do much more than lean out my window and yell at him. Freckle-face-pyro-boy was eventually rounded up and he assisted Randy in putting out the fire with several bowls of water from the neighbor’s kitchen. I failed to remember that there was a hose on the side of my house not 4 feet from the fiasco. Maybe it was because I was distracted as I realized a hobo’s nest had been created in my bushes.
It was a small, multilevel abode with fronds of every last fern used to create a sort of tiki thatch roof. Randy assured me my husband gave him permission to do this. While it is quite possible The Husband could have granted said zoning, I highly doubt he would have given the building permit for the thatch roof. Especially since he complained over the purchase of something you could dig up in the woods for free.
I ordered the boys to clean up every last bit of the mess. Well, actually, I told them to, “Make it look like the landscapers came!”. I don’t know if they knew what that means but I knew no landscaper had ever touched that side yard and now may be my only chance. I leaned out the window watching with the satisfaction of a Brooklyn Brownstone housewife.
In the gathering darkness I noticed a light in the holly tree. “You guys could see better if you used the flashlight you left in the tree.” I said. “Oh naw”, Randy said, diligently working away, “That’s not a flash light. That’s a candle.” “You put a candle I the tree?! That’s fire! You put fire in the tree!” “No we didn’t.”, said the defiant Freckle-face-pyro-boy, “It’s a candle, not fire.” Add eye roll. How I did not come flying out of the window to throttle them I do not know. The side yard was starting to really shape up which may have been part of it. I explained for the entire metropolitan area- how a candle IS fire. How that one little flame could have burnt down our homes and killed me in my sleep. They were unimpressed. So I pulled up some of my Mother’s Expert-Catholic-Guilt-Skills and laid into a detailed account of how they could have killed the most perfect of all creatures Flagger the Dog. Eyes welled, the candle went out, and they finished raking every last leaf in the dark.
“I am sorry” is really not yet an intuitive part of an 11 year old boy’s vocabulary. I know that but in the interests of processing the event I invite them in to “work this out”. They look like they are entering the lair of the wicked witch of the west. They are. I provide them a platform to share their feelings. After all I have been sharing mine for the past hour. I think the whole neighborhood is clear on my feelings. Of course their words don’t come but their body language screams out on their behalf. Freckle-face-pyro-boy is embarrassed and humiliated. Embarrassed and humiliated for get caught, clearly. The devilish twinkle still sparks in his averted eyes. Randy-the-neighbor-boy eyes, however, remained locked on mine. Brimming and red, he is broken hearted. This is the first bump our friendship has ever hit in three years of sledding, planting gardens, ice cream, movies and laughs. Our trust is broken and I say so. I also let him know that it is not broken forever that these things heal with effort and time.
I launch into fire 101. Randy has two wonderful dads. By age 8 Randy was comfortable ordering off the menu at any fine restaurant. He can be taken to the hippest event and carry himself with composure. He is never board or restless. His Dad’s balance this sophistication with a shared obsessive interest in football and other sports. Dirt bikes, video games, matchbox cars. But never has this “boys boy”, this kind, rough and tumble kid been near the Boy Scouts. Instead I become an unofficial den mother unwillingly burdened with handing out the fire safety badge. After the long lesson Randy has only one quiet question. He raises his red swollen eyes, “So when can you take me camping?”.